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Forum Kobiet » PSYCHOLOGIA » How to help a friend, should I interfere at all ?.

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Temat: How to help a friend, should I interfere at all ?.

Hello,

I have a problem, but I don't know what to do about it. I have a very good friend, we know each other since I was a child, he is practically like a brother, we grew up together (neighbors, later our contact loosened up a bit, because we went to study in different cities, but we generally met when he and I were in our hometown ), a really cool boy, but at the last party he drank a little too much and got loose.
He confided in me that he had never had a girlfriend, that he was a virgin, that he did not want to continue living, his life was leaking through his fingers, he did not want to be alone all the time, etc ...
I must admit that it surprised me a lot, maybe not that there is no girlfriend, but the fact that it bothers him so much, because he had never mentioned anything about it before, and certainly not so "desperately".
The next day he came to apologize to me and ask me not to tell anyone about it. I tried to talk to him calmly but he was confused and embarrassed so he left quickly and hasn't spoken since then.

As for my friend, he's 25 and I think he's a really great guy. I've known him for years and the only drawback I notice in him is that he is too shy and quiet, at least with people he doesn't know well. Besides, he's a great party, he's very handsome, well-educated, intelligent, has a great job. Many of my friends would love to meet him ... but here the question arises: should I? He asked me to forget about that evening and never mention it to anyone. But I can't forget it. Of course, I will not tell anyone anything, but this whole thing is bothering me. Should I help him? The only thing that comes to mind is to "bind" him with one of my friends, it would not be a problem, because as she wrote, he lacks nothing but more self-confidence. What should I do? I'd really like to help him, but I don't really know how. Please advise something.


thanks
jackyjoy

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2 Odpowiedź przez bagienni_k Ostatnio edytowany przez bagienni_k (2021-01-20 17:14:37)

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Odp: How to help a friend, should I interfere at all ?.

Hello there!

It is not so often, when somebody writes here in English and to be honest, I am not sure, if this is the right and proper place to post your story, but I assume , that you came here with a true and serious problem and it is not some kind of troll.
Maybe you should consider the fact, that he was drunk, thus he had found it much easier to confide in you about his problems? Honestly, If I were you, I would have tried to speak with him again, focusing mainly on his shyness. What seems to be the main reason behind it? It looks like if he was a little bit insular to other people, because the lack of confidence, while staying within a group. Perhaps, you can try and spend some more time together, when possible, even tough you live quite far away from each other? Does he have any friends or close company from the place, where he works in?
The fact is, that he will not be able to get out of this some kind of emotional shell, unless he is not going to try by taking an advantage and have contact with other people, which can bring him a lot of delight. He must realize that nobody is going to do it, except him: his life lies only in his own hands, but you can always advise him, supporting his choices.
Make sure that he can feel and see you as a friend, who is ready to help and advise him, while taking up any difficult situations or tasks, although it is up to him, to make the final decision.

3 Odpowiedź przez Monoceros

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Odp: How to help a friend, should I interfere at all ?.

I would tell that friend what you said: I can't forget, but I can't stop bringing it up if he wants. But I'd like to help and you've got some ideas, if he wants to hear them. There is nothing shameful in being lonely, and I appreciate being honest and open. You can tell him that you weren't aware of his feeling and as a friend you have the code to always help, so you are going to start including him more. See what his reaction are. I think that he could be too ashamed to accept your help and you have to accept that if he gets too defensive. It is his choice. Maybe bring it up again after some tiime, then.

People who struggle with unstable self esteem can benefit from therapy, self-help books or videos, but I think one of the best ways is to show them you care. Not only now, but to make commitment to be there for them for the next few months (not a week). It is a slow process and mainly depends on this person, if they are going to do something about it or lie down and wait for a better time.

4 Odpowiedź przez Gary

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Odp: How to help a friend, should I interfere at all ?.

??? W USA/GB nie ma takich forów jak to?

Should I help him?

If you want, then yes -- help him.


What should I do?

Just tell him:    "Please... allow me to talk with you about girls, because I will help you as your best friend...".

I he escapes again, then sorry... god helps only those who help themselves.

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